Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
