who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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