I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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