I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
