You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
