i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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