theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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