she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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