from now on my penis is your penis
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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