I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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