hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
