lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
