i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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