hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
