Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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