What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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