Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sobbing to NWA
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
