Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
