I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
