I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
