State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
