Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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