If i come over, it means nothing
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Randomize
