Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
