My first STD was from a foam party
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He shit in the fireplace
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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