You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
