The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
