Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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