Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
