He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
