sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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