Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
