just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
