ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
