This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
