I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
