Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
