umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
