Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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