My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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