I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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