so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
