Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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