My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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