I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
