She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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