Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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