hotel room ftw
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
