And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm bleeding and have questions
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
