plz talk dirty to me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
