I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
